I didn’t enter into my twenties alone. I entered them with my best friend turned lover who lived more than 2000 kilometres away. We would be on the phone all night long, talking and longing for each other. I used to wait for his yearly visits to his home – the city where I lived. That was the only time we could meet. The first time I tasted sex was with him. I still remember the high it gave me – I was ebullient as a child and energetic for days to follow. I call it my sexual awakening because that was the time when I was introduced to my sexual self. But this isn’t about that episode. It’s about the first time I had an orgasm, which happened almost after a decade of my sexual awakening.
I had been with a couple of partners in that duration. I thought I used to orgasm. It was the idea of the orgasm I had given myself because everyone has to reach at some point of release during a sexual act, right? I had no clue then that I was living under an illusion which was soon going to be busted.
I was waiting at the bus stop like every morning for my office bus to arrive. A man who I had seen on the same spot several times, came and spoke to me that day. I replied formally and turned away. He spoke to me again the next day. I responded to his wishes and stuffed my earphones in. The third day, he asked for my number. I declined. He asked me to go out for a coffee with him and then decide if I would want to keep in touch with him or not. I had just ended a relationship and I was weary of men at that point of time. I nonetheless accepted his offer because then we could reach a decision. And when he was being respectful, there was no reason I shouldn’t.
I met him for coffee after work. To my pleasant surprise, we had a refreshing and engaging conversation. I noticed how he kept his gaze fixed at me and talked confidently looking straight into my eyes. I liked the way he spoke with the waiter and asked his name before placing the order. I loved the way he threw his head back every time he laughed. The way he put his hand around my waist while escorting me out told me a lot about him. His touch was gentle, he held me and yet he didn’t. We exchanged our phone numbers and left.
Over the next three months, we kept meeting. We talked about anything and everything under the sun. I didn’t even realize when our conversations turned sexual and we began sharing our desires and passions. Our conversations aroused me. One evening, he asked me if I would like to go to his place with him. I accepted. We sat close to each other, sipping on the wine that he had got from France. The experience was sensuous – I was with a good-looking, interesting man, our eyes locked and our lips wet with the red wine. Suddenly, he pulled me close and kissed me. It was the best kiss I have ever had. We kissed for a long time. As I couldn’t stay for long, I left after a while. But I couldn’t get him out of my mind. I couldn’t sleep all night. The passion was racing in my body. I was consumed with his thoughts.
I called and told him in the morning that I had to meet him. I couldn’t wait until after work. When he agreed, I ran to his place in excitement and kissed him insane. That morning, I had my first orgasm. I felt as if he knew my body. He engaged my mind and body completely in the act. I surrendered myself to that moment. And then it happened. Everything went blank and I was transported to another realm. My body shook violently and I squirted all over him. I had never ejaculated earlier in my life. It was then I realized I had an orgasm for the first time. I became sexually enlightened and free. It wasn’t a mere orgasm. A part of me that was hidden somewhere deep within came alive. A wall came down, a layer was peeled and my light became brighter. Since that experience, I have always had such free and liberating orgasms that every time, I discover something new about myself. My sexual liberation has freed my spirit.