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The Union of our Inner Masculine and Inner Feminine


We want to feel secure in our inner union of masculine and feminine so that we can enjoy the play of polarities and discern when is the time to play in the feminine and when in the masculine. – Sofia Sundari

Let’s first understand the difference between the feminine and the masculine. Feminine energy is yin, receptive, gentle, intuitive, and fulfilling. Masculine energy is yang, active, fast, fierce, emptying, goal-oriented and focused. Taking the analogy in the act of intercourse; a female takes the sperm inside her yoni whereas a male transmissions his sperm inside his partner’s yoni. It is thought that men are masculine and women are feminine but the truth is we all embody both masculine and feminine energies and the interplay of these active and passive energies, these polarities determine the diversity and novelty of lovemaking.

I had a first-hand experience of this yesterday when my partner approached me to make love at night. I was tired and more importantly not in the mood. His ask seemed to me like one more additional burden and my tired mind resisted. I gave him a firm no and turned on my back to sleep. It has been days that we haven’t made love and I was relishing this free space. My partner didn’t say anything and tried to sleep by turning to his side. And something strange happened. In about 5 mins I had a strong desire emerging from nowhere to cuddle to him. I approached him and one thing led to another and we made love that night.

I also tried to introspect if it was the alternate play of masculine (when I first rejected his invite) and then feminine (when I mellowed down and invited him to fulfill me) energies or a guilt consciousness. But it was not guilt is what I intuitively feel. I felt a strong polarity emerging in that space as he kept quiet after my rejection. The passive withdrawal where he quietly accepted my decision gave me a high and activated my masculine side.

It is true that we all have masculine and feminine sides; but in a patriarchal world, it is difficult for men to acknowledge their femininity with aplomb. Femininity is still considered a sign of weakness and it is difficult for a man to openly express that he has feminine qualities because of the fear of strong judgment. I happened to speak to Piyush (name not changed) and here’s what he has to say:

“I’m a male by anatomy and sexual orientation but inside me, there is a female who always urges to come out in front the world but I don’t have the courage to express her soul. It doesn’t mean that I’m a transgender; though I’m bicurious. I love to get dressed as a woman, behave like a woman; and feel like women. I want to feel all the pain a woman feels in her life and on a daily basis. I’m very much submissive in nature and love to get dominated by another woman. I believe in women superiority and I want to be in a women-led relationship as life without them is just like a body without a soul.”

अर्धनारीश्वर is the composite androgynous form of Shiva and Shakti. The presence of both masculine and feminine characteristics in a person. It is a myth that a person is 100% feminine or masculine. Both these qualities coexist to different degrees in either sex.

For example, an androgynous man may initiate sexual activity (traditionally regarded as a “masculine” role) but do so in a style that is warm and sensitive (traditionally viewed as “feminine” traits). Spence and Helmreich found that androgynous individuals display more self-esteem, achievement orientation, and social competence than people who are strong in either masculinity or femininity, or those who have low scores in both areas.


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