In the middle of the day, I message my friend, ‘I saw that man today, you know who. All I want is that kiss. I can’t focus.’ She replies, ‘Snap out. Snap out.’
The man in question is someone I slept with a few months ago. I had known him for a while. I felt a raw, electric energy between us. One evening, talking over a cigarette, he leaned closer to whisper something. The smell of smoke on his breath stirred a desire in me. I didn’t hear what he said. I told him I wanted to kiss him. He stared at me in silence. He wasn’t expecting me to say a thing like that. I spent the entire evening and the next day lost in his thoughts. My heart began pounding when I received a message from him, telling me how distracted he has been since I expressed my interest. I asked him to come over after work.
As soon as he stepped inside, he pushed me to the wall and kissed me insane. We kissed for over half an hour. It was ecstatic. My body was flared up. I had sex that night after a long time. And it was amazing beyond words. He was gentle and aggressive in such quick succession that it unleashed the wildest desires in me. It was as if he knew my body in and out. I not only enjoyed our time together thoroughly, but I also had a violent orgasm. It was oh so satisfying!
So when I ran into him after so many days, the memory of that night came back to me with all its might. I am on my celibacy mode at present but seeing him made me want to cheat on myself, on my promise. My heart began racing and blood gushed to my head. All I wanted at that moment was to pounce on him and tear his clothes away. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.
I turned and walked away. And messaged my friend. Because I wanted that desire to lose its hold on me. I then took a walk around the neighbourhood, returned to my desk and began working on my story. When his thought would return, I would entertain it for a while and continue working. After a couple of hours, I was ridden of the overwhelming sexual desire and feelings.
I felt powerful. I had won a battle. I treated myself with my favourite apple Danish and Affogato. I have come a long way. There was a time when I would give in easily to the temptations and let the emotions rule me. Now, the tables are turning. I am learning to train my dragon (I refer to my mind as the dragon). It’s not that I love sex any less now, but instead of being a weakness, I am turning it into my strength. My sexuality is what makes me strong and confident. And being in control makes me feel even sexier.