He surely knows how to keep me glued to him. Half an hour back as we were returning late night from a meeting to home; we overheard autorickshaw drivers calling out commuters to a distant location. I have a small flat in that location that is now put on rent. I signaled this to the partner and he quipped:
“Do you remember the last time we went to your flat. That night was burning and hot! Full of passion and undulating desire. You were so wild and demanding! asking me to thrust hard inside you and making loud moans throughout the night. It was difficult to satiate you. You were insatiable!”
I was taken aback by his remark. The ‘coming together’ he remembered had happened more than 2 years back. I was freshly out of a sex starved marriage and yes I was impassioned! Lust and love are two sides of the same persona and I yearned for both. With his presence, I started taking baby steps in both the realms. But while love can be nurtured in silence, lust is an intensely loud affair. The flames of lust had engulfed me and it needed an outlet.
On our earlier making out, I was too shy and shame ridden to manifest my thirst. I left it on him to pull me inside the well of burning desire and at the same time pushing him away to justify my chastity. It was a weird act! This time I was more relaxed and the confidence and comfort level has also increased with my man. I realized that I can ask from him my pleasure.
I so correlate to this passage from my favourite book ‘The Joy of Sex’
“This book is about love as well as sex: you don’t get high-quality sex on any other basis – either you love each other before you come to want it, or, if you happen to get it, you love each other because of it. Just as you can’t cook without heat, you can’t make love without feedback. By feedback, we mean the right mixture of stop and go, tough and tender, exertion and affection. This comes by empathy and long mutual knowledge. Anyone who expects to get this in a first attempt with a stranger is an optimist, or a neurotic.”
That night I was unstoppable! My body opened up unconsciously and wholeheartedly knowing that it is going to be respected and not scavenged. My throat opened and the moans came out spontaneously. I did not have to make an effort to moan in what they call as #fakeorgasm. I invited him to enter my yoni. He penetrated my soul before he penetrated my yoni. The quality of sex that we experienced as a couple has improved since then. More familiarity with each other helped break barriers of conditioned shame and guilt around sex.
In particular, the anatomy of arousal of a woman is such that she needs her man to love her before he can lust her. While lust in itself is not bad; it is a temperamental desire someone can have for strangers, unrelated people; and the resulting sex can be super; I firmly believe that presence of love makes it from super to superlative. Why?
Because nature has designed women’s bodies in such a manner that it needs to be loved, to be worshipped before the woman can get sexually aroused. The body has to be touched in a way that it feels loved, respected, cherished, cared for to unleash its full capacity of pleasure. But sometimes we forget, we forget what we want in the mindless clutter of things, chores, and duties (managing household, beer parties, shopping, job deadlines, rearing children) that can induce instant gratification or distracting tension but do not lead to lasting fulfillment. We forget that our bodies and souls seek rejuvenation to restore lost bliss!
It is where recollecting beautiful, old sexual memories come to our aid. At that time, when my body was damn-tired and my mind was unsettled with utmost stress; hearing my partner recollect that long forgotten moment of passion lighted my dull spirit. That memory transported me from the buzzing crossroad and deafening horns of automobile to that dim lighted bedroom, that trance; that mood; that us! I felt attraction for him again. Recollecting loving, fun, toe-curling, sheet-grabbing sexual memories surely resurrects the dying attraction between you and your beloved. I have experienced this!