When someone says sex is overrated, I am tempted to ask what they mean by it. If we look at it that way, everything in life is overrated, except air and water. In the way that we desire to give life meaning through relationships, work, art and whatnot, we tend to give sex some meaning. And we should. Sex, whenever done in an existential vacuum, is nothing more than giving into our primate desires like hunger or thirst.
Sex is what we experience. It isn’t intercourse or fornication – these are mere fragments of the act of sex. And because the sexual act is rooted in the body, we tend to associate it primarily with the physical aspects. Sex has infinite possibilities because its meaning depends and changes with every experience we go through.
Due to our inherent need to define everything, we ascribe dichotomous definitions to various facets of sex.
This is right and that is wrong – we set boundaries because that which we cannot explain is scary. We can’t experience and discover our own meaning of sex if we are buried in the social dogmas and constructs around sex.
Only those of us who go beyond these can realize and feel the profundity of sexual experiences. Here are my musings on sex – one of the most beautiful aspects of being human.
Sex is self-awareness. Sex has enabled me to discover myself. With every experience, I have peeled a layer off me. It has helped me realize my need to find my own ground while giving me the courage to fly. Sex has helped me to get in touch with my dark side and bring it out from hiding. It has given me the courage to transcend boundaries and go where I was afraid to go.
Sex is art. The biggest purpose art serves is to provide solace to a lost soul, to give meaning to an otherwise meaningless life. Sex, too, is akin to art in that sense. An artist pays attention to even the tiniest of detail to their art. They make love to their work. Someone who understands sex and truly enjoys it pays attention to the little nothings of the act. What I love about sex has nothing to do with intercourse. I love the sweet details of the before and after. The naughty intentions communicated through the eyes and smiles, the sensuous touches here and there, the play of words between the two of us – that’s what attracts me the most.
Sex is power. While intercourse consumes energy, sex leaves us energised and calm. Whenever I have indulged in mindful sex, I have experienced creative energy flowing through my body. I feel cheerful and content. Sex gives me the power to feel human, to get in touch with my feminine energy and to enjoy life in a way that no material pleasure can replace.
Sex is love. I don’t mean casual encounters or no-strings-attached fornication sessions. When I engage in sex with a man, I aspire to love and be loved. I don’t think sex can ever be ‘casual’. That’s just fucking. Sex is opening up to another person in a way that’s the most intimate and vulnerable. And that to me isn’t a casual thing. Sex is offering a part of me to another person and I can’t do it until I love the other person. I express my love through sex.
Sex is beauty. Sex cannot be ugly. Because when it turns into something else than beauty, it’s either lust, cruelty or an escape. Sex, in essence, is the union of two souls. It’s a route to reach and connect to our higher selves. Through this exchange, we learn to give and receive love.
Sex is trust. To give oneself to the other, we need to trust the other person. To allow sex to take us to unexplored realms, we need to trust ourselves. Sex is both an individualistic and cumulative experience. We become aware of the changes going on within us as well as the other person. It takes trust to follow the instincts and transcend our normal beings to attain an ecstatic experience.
This isn’t universal philosophical reasoning. This is an experiential meaning that I have attached to sex through my experiences. What is sex for you? Tell us in the comments.