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Love and other demons

Jealousy, Possession in a Couples

What is love? Several million, mostly lousy, words have been written on this subject but are we any closer to understanding this word? This article will not attempt a definition, not least because I think there is no one definition of it. There are as many definitions of it as there are people. But what it will attempt is to tell you what love is not.

Love is not monitoring your lover’s phone messages, whatsapp chats and other personal communication.

Love is not controlling whom your lover meets and hangs out with.

Love is not throwing acid in someone’s face when they say they are not interested in you.

Love is not sharing each other’s passwords, ATM pins, and other private information.

Love is not joint email ids.

Love is not telling your lover what to wear and what not to wear.

Love is not ensuring that your lover loses all his/her friends and becomes exclusively dependent on you.

Love is not making 45 calls to your lover all day from saying Good morning and asking the consistency of his/her shit that morning to saying Good night.

Love is not speaking in the royal We. Like ‘We farted tonight.’

Love is not possessing the lover. ‘My underwear, my girlfriend.’

Love is not wanting to know where your lover is at all times and what s/he is doing at all times.

Love is not being broad-minded enough to “allow” your partner to work.

Love is not being broad-minded enough to “allow” your partner to have a fling or an affair but not wanting to know about it.

Love is not asking our lover to sacrifice something and saying “Can’t you do it for me?”

Love is not ever saying “I am saying this for your own good, because I care about you.” (Remember that’s what your parents say to you when they do not want you to do something you want to do).

You do not stalk someone you love.

Love is not cultivating dependency in or on another person.

Love is not dropping your partner to work and picking him/up from it.

Love is sharing housework, child care and every form of labour, especially emotional labour.

Love is not telling your lover everything or wanting to know everything from your lover.

Love is not using a third person to tell your lover what you really should be telling your lover directly.

Love is not wanting to know your lover’s sexual past and history (just as that does not matter in a rape trial).

Love is not loving your lover’s family.

Love is not having to like the same things, do the same things, want the same things. It is not having to do everything together.

Love is not hiding what you really feel about what your lover is doing or not doing. Like, if the lover is bad in bed, just say so. Say do this, do that, I like this, I like that (you are not a man or womanwhore if you say that)

Love is not having to stay in a relationship out of habit, fear, the need for ‘security’ (whatever the fuck that is) or because you are too scared to be alone (remember, we all die alone).

Intimacy is a skill.

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