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Non Monogamous Marriage : Acceptance is Hard to Accept


Monogamous Relationships is not a new concept in India, it had been from the ancient times but somewhere the masculine side had been the one involved in monogamous relationship besides the well known mythological Panchali who was forced to marry five husbands and live in a monogamous relationship. She loved Arjuna but was married to rest of his brothers because of Kunti (mother of Pandavas).

Let’s not get into so many details, because there are many stories related to monogamous relationships where the masculine population has been thought to be involved with always, since in an Indian society they are thought to be the most dominating. Feminine population is the ones who are being dominated. But, some stories are different. Recently, I met a man who despite knowing about his wife being involved with another man stays with her. It has been 25 years of their marriage.

I had known this couple for a long time since my teenage and everything amongst them seemed to be perfect until and unless I heard about the rumours. She is an important part of my life and amongst one of the strong and independent woman I had known for long. I never believed that she could be involved in a non-monogamous relationship until and unless she herself agreed to it.

She had fire on her sleeves and said after a deep sigh,” I never thought that I can fall for another man when I had a husband who was perfect and even supporting to me till date in every senses. But, it happened and then I don’t have guilt for it anymore.

There were moments when I felt I was guilty because I was cheating on my husband, but once he came to know about my relationship and confronted me for that, I didn’t deny it. I can’t leave both of them, they are part of my life, one who supports me in every aspect of my life making me what I am today and the other completes my soul search. Before I met him my life was perfect and I have tried to be a dutiful wife, a caring mother but he brought back the soul searching freshness in my life which somewhere I had been striving for.

It was a love Marriage and I was just 19 years old when I got married, at that time I thought that was love but 12 years after my marriage when He entered into my life something pinched me from inside. The very first moment I met him I knew he was the one who is going to bring turbulence in my life. I tried to avoid the most but ultimately submitted myself to him knowing that the path ahead would be full of thrones and I would be decoded as a Societal filth. Yet, till date I try to complete my duties as a wife, a mother. But he is the one before whom I shred all my armours and just be myself and Yes I ain’t ashamed of it anymore”.

Her husband recalled, “It was a love marriage. I was ten years older than her. She completed her graduation after marriage and gave birth to our first child. Later, she completed her Visharad in one of the forms of Indian Classical Dance and we were having great time as family. After almost seven years we were blessed with another child. Things were going on smoothly as if it was the most perfect life a couple can even think of until and unless He entered into our life.

Mine, was a transferable job and I was transferred at a more interior area with higher post. Our whole family moved together. We were now well settled at our new home. She had started her new dance and music classes and was doing pretty much well. It seemed to me that this was it and nothing much could I have wanted from life-a perfect family with only happiness. But, it’s too early to come to any conclusion for life has more secrets packed in its wizard box. Boom opened the Pandora’s Box and He entered into our life-A well known personality in artistic world with both name and fame. At first everything seemed to be OK and I was happy that He and my wife made a good pair while showcasing their talents as a team together. Their partnership worked in various events and I was quite happy to see the success of my wife in this vast world of Artisans. Little did I know that He had secretly made a permanent place in our life.

I didn’t even get the chance to understand their relationship until and unless my wife made a bold decision to move off with Him to his place of work with my elder son for his studies. Still then I believed that everything is alright and my mind is only giving me wrong indications about them. There were rumors all around which I continuously denied and further supported her thinking that she had taken the correct decision of moving off with my elder son to the well developed metropolitan town since our home was in the remote area of the state. He had stayed on and off with us for the last 5 years and somewhere I considered him to be like my younger brother whom I could believe with closed eyes. My wife used to come every week on Friday’s for her weekly dance classes and I was busy with my job. We used to have great weekends and she moved off on Sunday evening to his place which was a night journey. But, my sixth sense always sent me some signs and indications about them and I kept on denying the fact.

It was after a couple of years when she had moved off, I evidenced about their relationship. It was then that I confronted their truth. The world turned upside down for me since she was the most perfect one in my life, more than I could have asked for. But when life showed the mirror of the truth and I felt the perfectness blurring in front of my eyes. I couldn’t see anything but darkness in the future of our relationship.

Lover and the Couple
Lover and the Couple

As I reached home my boys stood there eagerly waiting for me and at that very moment I knew that they were the ones for whom I need to carry on with this relationship. I stay with it still engulfing the bitter truth every single moment of my life and shall do it for rest of my life. It’s not for my children always but it is for myself too.

I love her and can never think of anyone else. I stand by her headstrong knowing the societal gossips going around behind our back. She has been and still is with me in every thick and thin of my life what if she has her soul for anyone else, she hasn’t denied her duties towards her family. I know the way the artists connect together through their soul. I might have one reason to hate her but then several reasons to respect and love her. Marriage has it’s own ups and down but when we marry or love a person we are expected to accept that person with all his or her virtues and vises, I know I am not a perfect one neither is she, there are cracks in the relationship but there are moments when we stick together as family.

She is not my trophy whom I need to conquer but she is a part of my life that I need to accept the way she comes along.

As I listened both anxiously and patiently to this puzzled relationship between the two people whom I had known for years I could feel the tense muscles at the back of my neck. Just being a listener I got so anxious then what would have happened to these people who have passed through it. They still have stood affirm to themselves not trying to justify themselves but instead being with the truth and making peace with it.

Till date the guy comes to their home helps them whenever they are in some form of requirements as a family member, supports them in their decisions, as if he is a part of their family. I still can’t understand whether this is a symbiotic relationship or just a relevant silent understanding to make peace amongst the trio irrespective of their differences. Has this understanding been persistent from the ancient times and every time the people who come along with these situations grow beyond the thoughts of the society finding peace amongst all these turbulence.

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