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“You’ve Got A Message!” Sex & Desire in A Technological World


For many people, a sex act is valuable only if it ends in penetration. This is probably because society values procreative sex over any other kind of sex. Procreative, penetrative sex is that haloed, esteemed sex act because it either creates a baby, or is seen as some sort of practice for an eventual pregnancy. But is sex inherently useful only if it ends with what Indians so love to call ‘good news’?

Does every sex act even have to take place physically, in the same room? For many of us Gen-Z youngsters, this value system is rapidly changing, given how much we love sexting.

The brinjal and peach emoji, weird acronyms, chat rooms, snapchat nudes that dissolve in 10 seconds. The technologically savvy have enough at their disposal to create an entire sexual culture through digital spaces. For many, sexting is the end goal, and often won’t take it further. My friend Mahima recently matched with a particularly handsome, sexually curious man on a dating app. The next day, she came to college with bleary eyes, because they had stayed up all night sexting! “Oh he’s sooo good at sexting.” She gushed. “He knows exactly what to say, it was so hot, I really needed that.”

They went back and forth like this for weeks. I often caught Mahima sneaking a quick look at her phone with a sly, coy smile- in class, at lunch, and during breaks. I knew what she was up to! And I knew the thrill too. Finally, this mysterious sexting buddy landed up in the same city as Mahima for some work. Strangely enough she didn’t want to meet him! “Why?!” I asked, surprised, given how potent their online chemistry was. She shrugged. “It was only fun because we were sexting, and I had never met him. I don’t think I’ll feel the same chemistry in real life, you know?” She explained. “Like it was sexy because he wasn’t a part of my life, and that made it such a fun fantasy,”

Digital spaces can often feel less real than real life, somewhat surreal. And this can be freeing!

It becomes an easily accessible space, separate from your regular life where you can explore your fantasies and desires. With a new partner, it can even be a safe way to explain your kinks and establish your boundaries without the awkwardness that an initial face to face conversation about sex can have. Actually forget all this analysis, because most importantly, sexting is just fun!


I love holding my phone playfully in one hand, the other hand wandering… well, elsewhere, and taking the time to calculate and frame the exact message that could send my sexting partner into a wild frenzy of desire. For some reason, knowing that I can’t touch the other person, and more sexily, knowing that they can’t touch me, despite wanting me so bad, makes me all the more bold, vocal and carefree while sexting. Without immediate visual and tactile cues, I am forced to spin my imagination around the other person’s words to be aroused. And I don’t know about yours, but my imagination can be wild. Seriously! If done well, even the shortest sext can leave me breathless.

So yes! Sex is fun. Sexting is equally fun, even if it doesn’t have the procreative value that society so adores. And thanks to our nifty little gadgets, sex-play can take place from two opposite ends of the world, with nothing but kilometres and desire in between. The possibilities are endless! You can curate cheeky photographs, maybe a sultry video and relish in typing out elaborate, playful sexy scenarios. The joy of taking out time to really describe, evoke and create vivid imagery is unique. So go ahead, if you find someone who is into it, then send that naughty text! Let your imagination and word-play do the rest.

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