The 21st century life comes with immense time and space constraints so to say and people do not have time to do important things often including sex. Couples often find themselves in a rut in a long-term relationship where sex becomes obligatory and periodical like buying groceries hence scheduled and not spontaneous, or there are couples who always have it quick and spontaneous with no time or effort to make it “scheduled” or planned.
A recent study by Sleep Judge concluded that couples scheduling sex is quite common. According to their statistics, 29.9% married couples “often” scheduled sex, while 27.1% “always” did so.
Spontaneous sex is often the glorified version of love-making in popular culture. In films and all other mass media couples meet, find simultaneous attraction and make out and this also often leads to a happily-ever after or a happy beginning. Scheduled sex is also believed to be a must in recent times to “keep the spark alive”.
While spontaneous sex might seem attractive to many because of its unpredictable nature scheduled sex works better as per logistics. Here is an overview of counter advantages and disadvantages of both these kinds of meetings.
|Spontaneous Sex||Scheduled Sex|
|Hurried and quick||Good to spend long hours together|
|Minimum planning||Planned as per partner preferences|
|Unexpected pleasure||Pre-planned kinks and fantasies|
|No pressure to perform||Pressure to get everything right|
In India where pre-marital sex is still a taboo and even sex between couples is hidden under a veil of shame and secrecy there is little room for spontaneous sex. Most sex is scheduled for sure but lacks the elaboration and joys for most due to factors like mismatch of timings and kids and elderly living with the couple.
A horny partner might soon become the snoring partner waiting for everybody to go to sleep first or could face a partner extremely tired and low on libido. In cases of mutual desire also there could be lack of private space in small households or teenage kids could be up till late at night hence sex has to be quick and muffled.
This however doesn’t mean that things don’t ever occur, look at our population! Things happen and happen for procreation and not for pleasure, or happen as monotonous as clipping your nails or shaving your week-old beard. As the experts say “the spark is missing!” Scheduled sex works well in such situations due to the following advantages:
- It is easier to plan some intimacy as per the schedules of the family members and some time alone for the couple.
- There’s more time to plan buying favorite scented candles or flavored condoms.
- Both partners can schedule this for late nights and late mornings as per their other commitments and have extended foreplay/afterplay and more like shower sex and food sex.
Ruchi shares, “One time as part of foreplay, unbeknownst to my partner, I had purchased some chocolate syrup and whipped cream to make a crotch “sundae”. It added an element of novelty to our love making and made the final climaxes truly amazing.”
- There is enough time to work on yourself regarding personal hygiene, shaving pubics and much more if needed.
- Factors like periods and ovulation can also be considered as per individual preference and purpose of sex.
- Scheduled sex is always great to restart after a long period of dry spell due to reasons like long-distance, pregnancy or any other factor.
This however comes with its own flip side too:
- There is additional pressure to “perform” after so much of planning
- All the scheduling and planning can be the put off for many people who just like it with the flow.
However the spontaneous sex club would argue that sex is not an opera or theatre performance. They cite the following advantages of “on the spot action”:
- The real chemistry of a couple comes across in spontaneity, how quickly and intensely they get the mojo for each other.
- There is always room for new experiences in new settings and new places.
- Acceptance is more for each other’s bodies with all their flaws.
- There is no calendared pressure to perform in a certain way.
- This addresses the most carnal needs of human behavior-want to have what I want to immediately!
- It can include diverse sex acts, like kissing, erotic talk and just nipplegasms.
“Mostly me and my wife use to do a plain vanilla sex, nothing fancy, most of the time in full darkness, just some kisses and then intercourse, the maximum we do is just few kisses on each other bodies as in our society sex is considered a taboo, bad and dirty thing. But when I was away she watched some good porn and as a result as soon as I came back from the trip was pleased to get the most rip-roaring spontaneous sex of my life.”
In fact both spontaneous and scheduled sex can overlap and all your adult time can be a healthy mix of both. While sometimes you can just go with the flow and let a simple act like watching a film or just holding hands turn into foreplay and more and at others plan a proper sex date with everything from lingerie down to lubricants planned in detail. If there are factors like geographical distance and no privacy scheduling could bring the mojo back definitely but so can cosying up suddenly in some unusual location like the kitchen or a terrace.
And always the bottom line remains whatever works for the couple with mutual consent. Where one could enjoy and look forward to the promised romping on the weekend and build up for it with sexts and more, others might feel it must happen in the heat of the moment and no way else.
Anything that pressurises you or lowers your libido isn’t good and anything that gets the juices flowing is worth it. Ideal should be a mix of both alternatively to keep adding more and more spice to a flat curve of your sex life.
I personally feel that the crux is logistics, while spontaneous might work when a couple lives alone and has privacy all over the house or have busy schedules and look for quickies in between scheduled is the way to go for special occasions like anniversaries and birthdays or when there are other people around all the time one will need to schedule time and space for intimacy.