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Human Touch

When I considered writing an article, the first topic that came to my mind was human touch! Since my partner lives in another city, I have so many thoughts on the matter! Both of us love to touch and be touched. It’s our way of communicating without saying a word. For us, touch is an important foundation to our relationship. We don’t mind some PDA in and around the city. The holding hands, hugging each other, toying with each other’s hair and gently brushing against each other are things we always indulge in. So when we are apart, it’s no surprise that we miss it. The other day while talking on the phone, I began to cry at how much I miss his touch. The magic of touch is the most intimate thing we have shared.

In our conservative society, human touch has been relegated behind closed doors.  Everyone, from infants to adults are soothed by touch, but it is difficult to freely indulge in this thing that all of us crave. Touch is essential to human interaction. It can comfort us when are in distress, or make us feel desired when we are in the mood for love. Even the softest peck on the cheek or a gentle squeeze of the hand can create joy. Cuddling of course, is unparalleled.

Even physiologically, touch is important. It triggers oxytocin and other endorphins that boosts your mood and enables pair-bonding. It can also lower cortisol, a common stress hormone, thus lowering stress and boosting the immune system. A study conducted by the University of North Carolina discovered that women who receive more hugs from their partners had lower heart rates and blood pressure. So touch doesn’t just feel good, but it has healing properties and is good for your relationship! We can express so much through touch, and it is perhaps this ability that has distinguished us from the rest of the animal kingdom. It is fundamental to our physical, mental and emotional health.

Caress on Back

And of all the benefits of touch, it is the particular sensual quality of touch that can play an important role in nurturing bonds between partners. The lack of touch created some cracks in my marriage. My sensitive and emotional side always craved intimate touch, and the way it conveys love to me even when words fall short. Words can be faked, but the sincerity of touch cannot. It is definite, real and certain. You can actually read touch, whether it is with love and care or plainly coming from lust without any form of respect and love for the person.

According to one of my closest friends, sex is the culmination of all the care and love you have for the other person, and it is spelt out through touch. But in India, because of our conservative context, we have a long way to go in understanding the sensuality of touch!

If you are wondering how to make touch more intimate and sensual, here are a few tips!

  1. You can display your affection through touch.  Holding hands, a back rub, a few kisses- there is no harm in showing your love. It maintains continuous warmth and relieves your partner of the little stresses that builds in the body through the day.
  2. It is important to know your partner’s yes and no zones. Some of the erogenous zones like the breasts and bottom are well known, but there might be other zones as well that could be unique to your partner, like their neck, navel or even ear! Talk to your partner and understand which parts of their body are most receptive to touch.
  3. It is absolutely necessary to know about sexual anatomy. It is important to understand how your partner’s body works, so you can pleasure them accordingly.
    Sensual touch
  4. Sometimes the simplest touch or caress can be joyful. Focussing only on orgasm hampers your ability to be present in the moment. Focus on the journey of intimacy rather than the destination
  5. Sensory deprivation can be fun! Talk to your partner and understand if they would enjoy being blindfolded, or listen to music during intimacy. This can help let go of distractions and intensifies the sensation of touch!
  6. Teasing your partner can also be loads of fun. Build anticipation by teasing, stroking or moving towards their erogenous zones slowly. By the time you do go for it, they’ll be dying to feel you there!
  7. Cuddling! This is something that many male partners don’t indulge in. But what happens after sex is as important as the sex iteslf! Spend time with your partner after sex, cuddle, hold hands, talk about the experience you just had. Don’t log into your phone right after you orgasm! Enjoy the glow of the pleasure you just created.

Physical intimacy is one of the most important cornerstones of a relationship, along with trust, communication and mutual respect. Each cornerstone must be informed by the other three, and strengthening one improves all the others. Practicing and perfecting touch is a fun and pleasurable way to express love in a relationship, as it is subtle and can be communicated throughout the day. Allow joyful touch to bring you and your partner closer, and watch as your relationship gets stronger!

Intimacy is a skill.

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