So my partner and I have been trying to have anal sex for the good part of the last two years, but Jesus, it is so difficult, we just cant seem to figure out how to do it.
In all our various and numerous attempts, we have been successful for all of one night. One beautiful, glorious night, where he put his dick in my ass, and we both had the greatest orgasm of our lives.

However, in all my experience, I realised there were several things no one, will ever tell you about anal sex. But over sharing is my coping mechanism, so here we are.

First of all, though anal sex can be incredibly enjoyable, the entire experience is just super weird. You know that super strange feeling you get when you really need to poop, and your finally on the pot, but it’s not coming out and you get that extremely creepy toe curling sensation? The entire time you are not dying of pleasure, (or if its going bad, dying of pain), that is the feeling your going to be having.

But for god’s sake, do NOT clench and try to push it out. That is just going to make everything so much weirder, and so much more painful.

Secondly, they always seems to forget how much preparation exactly anal will actually require. Unless you are actually fine with some poop getting involved, at least one of the people involved will have to carefully watch what they’re eating for at least 6 hours before. Even then, the chances of a shit stained condom is so high, you might as well get used to it.

This will happen, and it is nothing a quick trip to the washroom will not fix. See, the problem with how people talk about anal sex is how aggressive it always is. It’s always “I’ll fuck your ass up” or “if he does that, I’ll fuck his ass”, as if it doesn’t feel insanely good to have a dick in your butt. Also it completely underestimates how difficult it is to actually physically squeeze a dick into a butthole.
Maybe this is an issue just plaguing my partner and I, but preparing one’s anus is a very important part of anal sex. It takes a few minutes of fingering, licking, and lubing up the anus for it to be ready to welcome a penis. Not doing enough of this, or even not using enough lubricant will lead to muscle tears and bleeding. Please remember the anus does not self lubricate like the vagina does. It is important to have plenty of foreplay and anal massaging to relax the muscle sphincter.
Anyhow, the biggest problem we face regarding anal sex is that by the time, we get my ass ready for his dick, his dick gets soft, and by the time we get his dick hard again, I feel my ass closing up. It is a vicious cycle, and we are desperate for a solution. It is impossible for a less than rock-hard-dick to stuffed inside a tight arsehole. Trust me, I’ve tried every night for a week.
In India, where we aren’t even given enough information about the expected peno-vaginal sex before our first marital night, it is not surprising that we were never given any information on anal sex. When we do talk about it is either relegated to something extremely violent that perverted men enjoy, or it is relegated to the realm of homosexuality, and is more taboo than ever.
There is no harm in wanting or enjoying anal sex. But please make sure to have a frank and open conversation with your partner. Consent is important. It is absolutely not a good surprise when things are getting hot and heavy and you feel a shooting pain up your ass. Moreover, attempting anal without specific consent is most definite rape.
Always make sure to use a condom. STDs are real, and you are not exempt from it. Please also make sure to never go directly from the ass to the mouth or from the ass to the vagina. This will transmit bacteria and might lead to issues such as UTIs, and other bacterial infections, which will only restrict you from having sex for a few weeks at least.
Anal sex is good, it is fun, and it is a wonderful way to expand your sexual adventures. But like all sex, it is complicated and messy, but it is most definitely not wrong or immoral.
The human body has been so heavily moralised upon, we forget it is ours, to use and love as we wish, not as society dictates. It is the tool through which we experience life, it is not something that serves a higher purpose. There is nothing immoral or wrong about any part of it, despite what anyone around you might say.
We most love and care for our body, and explore every inch of it, and make it truly our own.

5 Responses

  1. In my Counseling I usally tell them very clearly about hygiene health act and willingness with patience…

  2. Pallavi you are doing great job by educating people.. we need more empowered women like you. I have my insights about this topic..-
    We need anal pleasure rather anal sex, as if we learn and give permission to enjoy our anus( most of us have so much shame around it) ourself it can change the whole anal sex dynamic. I believe practicing of enema and massaging our anal sphincters can bring us lots of pleasure then anal sex become highly pleasurable. Thank you for your article.

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