The fast-paced life has left most of us exhausted, stressed, and disconnected, and when we attempt sex under these unfriendly conditions, our satisfaction may feel hollow. Immediately after sex most couples rush for their smartphones and their intimate time is cut short to a quick foreplay and ejaculation. It is difficult for our minds to stay in the present and shut off all the outside distractions. Sex like that is unlikely to generate any intimacy, connection, and even orgasms.
I, too, have been through this nightmarish journey for a part of my life until I experienced a glimpse of divine lovemaking with a man. The amazing mutual experience came from a willingness to work exhibited by my partner and I, and involved a blend of meditation, bodywork, and liberating conversations.
I will share some simple mindful sex practices that can help you start the transformation of your intimate life. Run through the list, and don’t forget to practice.
Embodied movement – Most of us are so disconnected from our bodies. It is possible to move your body through muscle memory and a lot of the time, we only pay half a mind to what we are doing. It is important to drop in our own bodies and feel each cell, each pore of your being before you start to receive pleasure. This embodied movement brings you back to your home, your body.
Start by standing tall, feet rooted, and taking a deep breath. Turn on music that matches your current mood and dance it out, feeling the motion move through your body. Then shift to music that matches how you want to feel and repeat.
Relationship Agreements – There is a lot of unresolved, unspoken angst and resentment between couples which they bring out at the most unrelated occasions. Sometimes a seed of thought stokes an entire mental film where the person goes into unfounded imagination, a chain of destructive thoughts. All of this negatively impact harmony in your relationship and eventually, sex takes a backseat. In order to avoid this, we need to strive to form small relationship agreements that are doable, and can be discussed without hurting the ego of the other person.
Choose 1-2 things you want to work on and set up a rule. Some examples: whenever one of you will talk about your feelings, the other person will not judge and will be compassionate; when you wake up in the early morning, give each other a nice hug; no phones at the dinner table (or in the bedroom), consciously give each other personal space.
Express Gratitude. Sit, stand, or lie facing each other and holding hands or embracing. Take turns saying “I’m grateful for…” Continue until you both feel everything has been said.
Eye gazing – Keep eye contact with your partner during sex. You can be touching each other or in any sex position. Giggles and laughter are totally welcome. Try this daily for deeper connection and to shift out of your head and into the present moment.
Connection with Heart Chakra – First, breathe into the center of your chest – your heart. If you are struggling to stay present, imagine breath and light going into your heart. These are shallower breaths so be mindful of doing this. Then connect your breasts with their chest – give their heart some physical love by massaging, cupping, pulling, and generally loving on their breasts.
Sensate Focus – Use your monkey mind to notice all the sensual things happening. What are 5 things you see? Taste? Feel? Hear? Smell? Can you notice where exactly is the hand of your partner on your body as they are exploring you? What kind of sensation do you feel? This practice enhances our sensory experience and we are able to feel fully all the pleasure that is received by our body.
Tantra breath – Take a deep inhale and exhale with sound ‘ha’. Sounds create internal vibrations in our body and take the energy up from lower chakras to higher chakras. Something you can practice with a partner and take into sex. The sound should be deep but not high-pitched. As you get closer to orgasm, deepen your breath and breathe into your genitals. Any sounds you’re making will take you deeper into the higher realms of lovemaking experience.
Chant As You Reach Orgasms – You can pick any mantra, (my favorite is om, omkar). Through our chanting, we merge our personal consciousness momentarily with the infinite consciousness that is our origin and our destiny. It is the drop of water finding its way back into the ocean from which it came. Chanting raises your physical lovemaking experience to spiritual dimensions.
I have tried all of this with my partner and it has transcended our physical pleasure to a spiritual, universal dimension. We feel as if the entire universe is in love with us and so do we. It is a divine experience, a symbol of indissoluble unity of pleasure, and emptiness.