The coronavirus pandemic has meant that most of us cannot leave our homes to meet new people or current partners. But this doesn’t have to put a full stop to our sex lives! With physical contact being risky, sexting has become the go-to way for many people to connect with their long distance partners. Whether you are in a long-term relationship, hooking up, or just beginning to flirt with someone; sexting can be fun, provided that both partners have given their full consent. But sexting can also be intimidating. What should you say, how should you say it, and when? With so much emphasis on the written word, sexting can also feel like a lot to navigate, for those who aren’t too comfortable with their writing skills. But don’t worry! While every person’s needs are different, there are some general tips that can help

Before sexting, it’s really important to make sure that the other person is equally into it. The best way to find out is to ask, of course! But what if you’ve never sexted this person before and you don’t want to make them uncomfortable by being too blunt? You could hint that you are interested in sexting in subtler ways! For instance you could say:

‘I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the last time we met. You look really attractive in your profile picture…’ 

If they respond unenthusiastically or don’t pick up on your hints, maybe this isn’t the right sexting partner for you. But, if things pick up steam and the conversation heats up, here are some great sexting examples and styles to get both of you going!

For your convenience, we’ve broken down sexting into a few different styles, to give you all the tools required for an unforgettable sexting session:

Flirtation

Fantasy

Memory

Tasks/Requests

1. Flirtation 

What better way to get to know someone new than flirting? Flirting is fun, playful, an ego-boost and also a smooth way to segue into a conversation that is more sexual in nature. What’s fun about flirting is that it isn’t always direct: you can play with suggestions, innuendo, questions and compliments. Here are some examples to bring out your inner flirt!

“I like that sultry look you have in your profile picture, I keep imagining that you’re looking at me that way.’ 

“I had a dream last night and you were in it. Can you guess what we were doing?”

“Thinking about you really makes my imagination go wild. I can’t wait to see you again.’

T‍his style doesn’t only have to be about sex. It’s a way to let the other person know that you are attracted to them and interested in them. It allows you to get a sense of their comfort level, and how they may feel about taking the conversation forward. If they reciprocate interest, the flirting can take on more sexual undertones:

“I’m in bed. I really wish you were here with me now… but then I surely wouldn’t be able to fall asleep”

“I just listened to your voice-note. My god, your voice makes me all weak at the knees.”

“Wow you really have a way with words. Hopefully you can have your way with me soon.” 

‍Fun, sweet flirting can transition into more explicit sexting in no time. Make sure that the other person is on the same page, and that it is equally exciting and comfortable for both of you!

2. Fantasy 

All of us fantasise from time to time: it’s what makes us human, and what makes sex imaginative and creative. Using fantasy while sexting is all about letting someone else in on our capacity to imagine and create stories, in a way that is exciting for both people. Fantasies are a wonderful way to share your own desires and understanding someone else’s, while also adjusting it based on what they don’t like. A good way to go about fantasy-style sexting is through these four steps:

1. Establish interest

2. Share a sexy scenario

3. Allow your partner to respond to the scenario

4. Repeat 2 & 3

A good way to start fantasy sexting is by talking about what you would want to do the next time you meet the person:

A: So I have an idea for what we could do the next time you come over…

B: Tell me, I really want to know..

A: I bought this new lavender scented oil. I could lay you down on the bed, and start massaging your shoulders and back… maybe work my way even lower.

B: Oh that sounds totally incredible. I’d love that. 

A: What else would you like me to do?

Creativity knows no limits. If the other person enjoys it, you could be much more explicit with your fantasy-sexting:

A: “I can’t wait to taste you again.”

B: “Is that so?”

A: “I want to spread your legs open and eat you out while you buck and moan.”

B: “Oh my god, I want that so bad. What do you want me to do to you?”

You could invent entire scenarios. Add as much detail as you want!

A: I’m thinking of us. We’re on the beach together

B: Tell me more…

A: You’re wearing that new bathing suit that you just ordered. We wade into the water and we start kissing. There’s no one else around. Our bodies are wet, and I run my hands all over your body. Would you like me to go further…? 

Exploring fantasies while sexting can be hard, because it requires you to be honest about your sexual fantasies, and make yourself vulnerable to the other person. It’s always good practice to check in with the other person by asking “are you enjoying this?” or “tell me more about what you would like.”

3. Memory

Memory can be a great tool for sexting, especially if you are in an established relationship with an exciting sexual history to draw inspiration from. It doesn’t have to be complicated: you can start by recounting a steamy moment that both of you thoroughly enjoyed:

A: Remember the time we made out in the back of my car? 

B: Oh I was so turned on then.

A: I loved feeling your hands on me, I wanted to undress you so badly right there.

Or:

A: Last night was incredible. 

B: It was. Tell me what your favorite part was. 

A: I love how you left hickeys all over my shoulder when you were inside me, that’s what made me come. 

4. Tasks & Requests

The word ‘task’ usually invokes chores and drudgery, but a sexy task? You’ll be the first to want to finish. Bringing up tasks and requests while sexting can be really enjoyable for those who want to explore role-play or power-dynamics in their sex lives. Sexting allows you to work on your tone, wording and language to create the perfect sexy balance for you and your partner.

A: Are you wet right now? 

B: Yes. I’m so wet… 

A: Perfect. I want you to touch yourself now… but only over your clothes. You can only slide your hands into your pants once I say so. 

Or:

A: Did you get the lingerie we ordered? 

B: I did! 

A: I want you to put it on for me and send me a selfie. 

Sexting is a way to be creative, flirtatious, sexy and generous even if you and your partner are miles apart from each other. Don’t be afraid to share your desires and fantasies openly, sexting is supposed to be exciting! Make sure that both you and your partner are comfortable and don’t shy away from playing with  words in ways that leave both of you breathless in the best way possible!