Is your bedroom a part of your house that makes you want to be intimate with your partner? Or does it bring you down and make you feel tired and exhausted: a place you would rather ignore?
Think of a cluttered, messy room with a suspicious odour and harsh lighting. Would you want in here? Now think of a room that is spacious, clean with lovely mood lighting and a freshly made bed. Doesn’t this sound much more inviting and relaxing? If you have a sexy room, chances are you are going to want to have lots of sex in there! The contrast between these rooms is telling: it should remind you how important it is to have a bedroom that’s not just nice but one that inspires and welcomes sex and intimacy.
As one of our long-time readers who wrote in said: “The first time I was married, we stayed in a one bedroom flat. I stayed with my husband, children and my in-laws, and our bedroom was cluttered with gadgets. Mobile phones, chargers and laptops covered up most of our bed. I would move these things around to make space to sleep, work or watch TV. Moving those things around felt like a chore, and our bedroom became another part of my boring domestic life. At the same time, there were also relationship issues that made it hard for me to make love to my husband. We would have sex once in four years, and I never felt good afterwards. 3 years after divorcing him, I got into a relationship with another man. There were challenges this time too, but having sex actually felt like self-love. It was when we went to a heritage site that we booked a 5 star hotel. As we entered our room, I was captivated by the beautiful room, large windows, the palm trees outside, and the greenery around. There were peacocks roaming around and everything felt clean, calm and luxurious. We had a king-size bed with soft linen, lush curtains and a beautiful lamp shade with gentle light. The whole thing felt like a fantasy-escape from my life, and it was comfortable and indulgent. I did not make love to him just then, but even the comfort of sleeping together was so romantic. I realised that in a well-kept room, even lying down next to each other can be exhilarating. It was then that I realized the importance of setting aside time and energy to turn your bedroom into a love temple, into a shrine for your relationship.”
Every relationship needs to be ‘refreshed’ from time to time. And sprucing up your physical space can be a great way to start! Here’s how you can go about it:
1. Be Honest With Yourselves:
Look around your bedroom with a fresh pair of eyes. With your partner, imagine that you are seeing this room for the first time. Now ask each other: ‘Does this look like a space that makes us want to really be intimate?’ Once you’ve gone through an initial discussion, talk about the things in your bedroom that support intimacy and the things that hinder it. Maybe the paint is warm and gentle, but there is clutter in the corner. Keep the good and ditch the bad!
2: Pick a focus
Think of the one quality that you want in your bedroom to inspire intimacy. Is it a relaxing environment? Something comfortable? Something sensual? Having this one focus can help you decide your next steps! Get furniture, decor or bed linen according to what you want to achieve.
Once you’ve come up with your goal, brainstorm in two ways. The first is removing: If you have clutter, peeling paint, mess or general distractions that you need to tidy up or throw away, discuss how to do this. The second is adding: you’ve cleaned up your space, now what? What are the things you want to add to that space? Come up with a list, and stick to your focus word! Popular items include candles, getting new linen, a drawer right next to the bed to keep things handy for sex, a fresh coat of paint, new curtains, or anything that you feel will add to the atmosphere in your bedroom!
After you’ve made your big list, pick a few things that you think will make the most difference immediately. 2 or 4 things is a good place to start from, and you can add more from there! This can also be a great couple’s activity: a way for you to divide tasks, organise, and work on something together which is going to yield great results!
Give this bedroom makeover a go and let us know how it turns out! With a thoughtful bedroom makeover, a little can go a long way for your sex life!