We often think that there is a set duration of foreplay or there is a minimum duration of foreplay but the real truth is there is no standard time limit of how long foreplay should be. It varies from person to person.
Foreplay plays a crucial role in the sense that it takes longer for women to get aroused enough to have sex and reach orgasm than it does for men. But how long should foreplay actually last? Well, this is a really important question especially for men because of the more weightage foreplay plays in arousal, and satisfaction of a woman.
Like I said, there’s not a single answer.
But the best rule that I could give you in order to determine how long foreplay should last is how long it takes for her body in that individual session to be relaxed enough to receive penetration without any discomfort. And there are a few key ways to tell that that has happened. Through the changes that will happen in a woman’s private part that is vulva.
Her clitoris, her inner labia and even sometimes her outer labia get engorged. That means they’re going to look puffy, they’re going to be filled with blood. This is sort of the analogous tissue to the male erection. Like if a man self-stimulates himself or he gets stimulated by a partner, his penis will start to plump up as blood flows. Female external genitalia part:clitoris, inner labia, outer labia behave no different. So when you see that she is filled with blood and that she is going to be more ready in order to receive you.
How to stimulate her internally?
This is a mistake lot of heterosexual men make. While they stimulate their female partner, they just go about some random action inside her hole (sorry to say) but most men don’t understand the delicacy and diversity of the vaginal canal. That is why despite doing all possible action on her outside and inside body, the female body still tightens up when it comes to penetration.
This 30 year old female client of mine had this problem when she reached out to me:
“I get pain and I am scared of penetration. I enjoy when my husband give me oral pleasure and I also orgasm from that when he gives oral to my clitoris. But when it comes to penetration I feel scared and also it is painful. I don’t get lubricated enough even with proper foreplay, which results in dissatisfaction in sex for my partner. I have so many other questions that I need clarity from and also I want you to suggest what course I need to take so that I would increase my libido and enjoy my sexual life.“
A man needs to approach internal stimulation of a female genitalia with care and caution and treat it as a gunny bag where he does anything and everything.
A you start fingering her, feel the inside of her vagina, the first inch to two inches, feel all 360 degrees. So feel around in a circle, and then check again later to see how relaxed those muscles are. The pelvic floor is a series of muscles, just the same way that you would stretch before you ran or before physical activity, you also need to stretch and relax the pelvic floor muscles in order not to damage them during sex.
Unfortunately, up to one in four women experience pain with sex on a regular basis. And this does not need to be the case. In fact, with earnest checking to make sure that her body really is relaxed and open, you can prevent a lot of pain and injury and long term suffering to her.
One of the biggest causes I believe for sexlessness in long term relationships is because of premature penetration, women who are being penetrated, who are having sex before their body is actually ready; these women get turned off forever. The sexual experience they had becomes a sort of nightmare.
Now why does a man rushes through foreplay?
One of the reasons that people (men, women included) don’t give enough time for foreplay is because they are afraid of losing the connection of losing the momentum, maybe you’re afraid of losing your erection, maybe you’re afraid that if you don’t get in and get started that you’re going to lose your desire, lose your intensity, or lose your hardness or not get off at all.
Well, I invite you to consider that just like you can regain that momentum after a pause.
If you relax and take your time, you will be able to pick up another wave. When it happens, you can get back to making out, making soft eye contact, touching each other to oral sex to hand sex until that wave of arousal comes through for both of you.
And then it is time to have sex again.
I’m not saying that you should never ever have a quickie. I’m not saying that you should never ever penetrate before 20 or 40 minutes of foreplay and turn on what I am saying is that you should figure out what the needs are for the woman that you are with. What are the basic foundational elements of her turn on so that she can get there and get there in the amount of time that it takes in order for you to actually penetrate and if she’s not able to get there, consider not penetrating, you know, just don’t have sex.
It’s not the end of the world, you will get another chance. In fact, if you have sex before her body is ready, the chance that she’s going to get injured, it’s not going to feel good for her. She won’t even necessarily know why she doesn’t want to have sex with you again.
So you’ll actually be increasing your odds of having more sex and more frequent sex and having sex again with that woman. If you just take the time to wait. We love a tease.
