How To Give Your Inner Child (or Actual Child) a Sex Positive Talk

When you grow up in India, you are most likely to not receive comprehensive or positive education about our sex and bodies. The sex talk – if it ever happens, at all, is often a very brief, awkward conversation, or if you belong to any conventional household, it is just completely avoided. Whether you are reflecting on your own experiences or thinking about how to approach a sensitive topic, like this one, with the younger generation, it is very important to create a sex, positive environment that nurtures curiosity, understanding, assertiveness and confidence.

Start with Yourself

Before starting any conversation about sex, the most important thing is to begin with some self-reflection. Start by thinking about any intrinsic or extrinsic messages you have received while growing up about sex. Did they fill you with shame? Was most of it misinformation? Do they align with the values you want to pass on to the next generation? You’ll be able to tackle these themes with empathy if you are aware of your personal history with sex education. Feeling confused and uneasy about this is acceptable; it’s all a part of the process of unlearning and relearning.

Think about age relevant – not just age appropriate

And in so many Indian households, the belief is that children shouldn’t learn about sex until they are old enough. However, a key concept to remember here is shifting the narrative from age appropriate to age relevant. This would mean that you give information to your child based on what they might need to know at their developmental stage. It’s about giving your child the information that will help them in situations that they are exposed to. For example, if a child is curious about where babies come from because their teacher at school is pregnant, you can provide an answer that suits their level of understanding without overwhelming them with details. 

Rather than waiting for a perfect age, to discuss all things related to sex and bodies, you may need to think about these conversations as ongoing and constantly evolving. It’s about engaging them in a series of talks throughout their life, not just having the talk once. 

Create a Safe and Open Environment

And since in our culture, conversations about sex are either avoided or hushed all together, breaking the cycle starts with creating an environment where questions and curiosity is welcome. This involves letting the child know that no topic is off-limits, or shameful, and all types of conversations are normalised. 

You can maybe start by discussing concepts like body autonomy, consent, good touch bad touch, puberty, and respect from a young age. The key is to make them understand that everybody has the right to make their own boundaries, and it is okay to say no. 

Addressing your Inner Child

Now, it is okay if you did not receive this kind of positive guidance growing up. It is never too late to heal those parts of your inner child. A beautiful exercise I would recommend that you do here is giving your inner child a sex positive talk. This can be healing and allows you to re-parent yourself with the understanding and knowledge that you might have now.

Here is a simple meditation you can try:

1. First, find a quiet place – allow yourself to sit comfortably and take a few deep breaths. Close your eyes and think of an age that feels important to you. Start imagining your younger self at this age. 
2. Visualise your inner child– Picture what you must have looked like, what you loved to do, what you feared and how you felt. Bring this inner child back to the present moment.
3. Offer some words of reassurance – You may gently talk to this younger version of yourself. Tell yourself things that you wish you knew at that age. Offer some reassurance and tell yourself that you are loved, safe and allowed to explore and ask questions without judgment.
4. Notice your emotions – allow any emotions that may come up. Since this process is healing, it may bring up feelings of joy, grief and even sadness. Let your emotions flow. 
5. And the exercise, with a positive affirmation– You may finish by telling your younger self that you have their back now, that they are not alone, and that their feelings and curiosity is completely valid. 

Conclusion 

Whether it’s your inner child that needs this sex, positive talk, or an actual child – it is about creating a space that is safe, nurturing and encouraging curiosity, and where there is no place for shame. In doing so, you will be paving the way for a healthier, more confident relationship with yourself and others.