As an intimacy coach, a lot of couples reach out to me to seek help for relationship problems. One such day, I was taking a session of a Bangalore based married female client in her mid 20s. The session was online happening in Zoom. Having a Zoom session gives me this opportunity to see their intimate environment since sessions mostly happen from their bedroom because it’s a private space.
As I looked across that client’s bedroom, all I saw was blank walls, some clothes hung here and there, simple bed, stuff disorganized on her study table and that’s it. I wondered, how will anyone get in the mood to have sex on such dry and boring bed?
You spend almost one third of your lifespan in bed.
Two of the most important activities for your personal wellbeing – sleep and sex – happen on your bed. And yet so many people take their bed for granted; not even thinking if the bedroom is meeting these 2 vital needs of sleep and sex. The bedroom plays a big role in heightening or dampening intimacy for couples. No wonder many couples face difficulties in creating intimacy with their partner.
Think!
When was the last time you thought about your bedroom and if it meets your intimacy needs?
Bedroom is an important room when it comes to physical intimacy. But how often do we really think about our bedrooms and what we can do to make them conducive for more rest and better sleep, but also to make them an erotic heaven? Is your bedroom supporting your sex life or is it blocking your sexual intimacy in some way that you haven’t actually named yet?
So its important to take a step back and look at this intimate space in our life and see if our bedroom is supporting what we want from it in our life. In this case, sleep and sex. I will also give you a wide range of options to improvise the look and feel of your bedroom so that it supports the intimacy in your relationship and makes you feel safe to be naked and vulnerable.
I know it is nearly impossible to completely redo your bedroom, buy all new furniture and transform it into the sensual sanctuary of your dreams at the drop of the hat. But there can be little tweaks that I will suggest that couples in long-term romantic relationships can do to design a space for rest, excitement, arousal and seduction.
So, let’s learn how to improve bedroom to spark intimacy for couples
So, when you walk into your bedroom, how do you feel?
Do you see it just as another extension of your home or is it special room in some way? When you walk through the door of your bedroom, do you feel a little different? Like it’s a cozy space within your own home. How do you want to feel when enteryour bedroom? Would you want to feel calm? Would you want to feel serene? Would you want to feel supported, comfortable and cozy? Some like minimalistic bedroom. Other people like a lot of decorative items.
What is the vibe you like in intimacy and sex?
And have you conversed with your partner about it if you both share a bedroom? Because sometimes, not always, in an intimate couple it kind of falls on the woman in a relationship to decorate the bedroom. And that can be a problem in building intimacy in your relationship because of the difference in how women perceive levels of intimacy and how men do. For ex: a woman may like stuffed animals but for her husband that can be a turn off in getting intimate. Or she has put a picture of your family on the bed side table and while you’re trying to fuck your wife and your eyes fall on your child and maybe that’s a turn off.
What little things in your bedroom can be tweaked?
That’s another important tip I give to couples in my couples counselling session. That bedroom makeover is not one person’s job. It should be an active collaboration between the couple so both of you feel good. So, look at the gender of your intimate space.
- Do you both feel reflected and supportive?
- Does it feel like a collaboration?
- Is this a bedroom, a place where you feel you both belong?
Moving forward, how do you feel about art in the bedroom? Check your walls. What do you think should be on the walls of your bedroom? Ideally, I recommend things that evoke feelings of sexuality and sensuality in your intimate relationship. You can use art on your bedroom walls as pockets of sensations that you want to evoke in yourself. Remember that hotel trip, where you will find standard art of little girls in floral dresses with basket of flowers on the walls. That will evoke a different feeling than going to a hotel room with beautiful modern abstract art; crashing sea waves on the shore; or lovers holding hands cuddling.
Do you see, different images evoke different feeling state in you? So think over it, which images evoke the state of feeling you are going for? And give yourself the permission to change things up a bit and try it out. And all of this does not have to involve tons of money. Art is not expensive. You can go to art fairs, buy art made by students or frame images from old books.Continuing further from the walls, look at your curtains, your bedsheets and the colors in your room. What colors you want in your bedroom that improve your intimate love? And do these evoke what you want to evoke? Colors can be soothing to support emotional intimacy while picture frames can be stimulate intellectual intimacy. Think if you want to go for such combinations? And again, we need to think about this paradox because what we need to calm down our bodies and sleep is different than what we need to energise our bodies to get aroused and excited.
