Do you know the single-most effective sex tip that I’ve ever given as a sexuality coach?
Touch more!
Most of us consider touch to be a part of foreplay that leads to sex, but here, I am talking about touch just for the sake of touching. Yes, this kind of touch has the power to transform your sex life for the better.
Most people think of touch as simply a skin to skin contact, but it goes much beyond that. Touch is a central channel through which we share emotions with others. As a child, we felt safe in the nurturing, protective arms of our parents. As infants and toddlers, we liked to be held in a soft embrace or sit on the lap of our parent to play. But as we grew up, the very same nurturing touch became sexualized.
But even as grown-up adults, we need this kind of nurturing yet non-sexual touch. It is where so many people go wrong in our intimate relationships, by linking touch only to sex. Intimate relationships often fail because of the lack of this kind of touch. And to restart your sex life, you need to bring back this ‘touch’.
There are so many different kinds of touch: hugs, caresses, massages, cuddles, embraces, tickles, strokes and so on. And so many different places you could touch: hair, hands, feet, toes, fingers, belly, neck, backs, faces, shoulders, arms, legs, and more (remember to avoid touching the breasts or genitals because the purpose of this touch is not to be sexual but to enjoy the pleasurable feelings). And there are so many different messages you can convey with your touch: love, relaxation, seduction, sympathy, playfulness, desire, and so on.
Here’s how touch can help you put your sex life back in action after a long pause:
Reason #1 – Touch is exciting!
First things first, the touch itself can feel amazing!
Do you remember that first kiss you had? Do you remember the thrill of that skin-to-skin contact? Just a simple touch could light you on fire.
Even when that initial thrill wears off, many touch techniques can feel even sexier and more pleasurable than sex techniques.
There are so many ways to experiment with touch in the bedroom. You could spend an entire month spicing things up without even having sex!
Reason #2 – Touch is less intimidating
You’ve might be knowing about countless books and sessions on “try new things in the bedroom”. But like most people, you never follow through on that advice because it feels intimidating! Sex feels like a chore, a task when the emotional connection wears off and life hits monotony.
In this situation, it’s vulnerable and deeply uncomfortable to put yourself out there and do anything new in the bedroom.
But trying new techniques for touch can feel a lot less intimidating than trying new techniques for sex. Touch is an easy thing to be good at.
You feel less pressure and is less concerned with perfectionism when experimenting with simple yet rich and profound touch.
Reason #3 – Touch increases your desire
If you want to try new things in the bedroom, you both have to feel the desire to be intimate in the first place!
Some people have Responsive sex drives, which means they don’t feel the mental desire to have sex until they get physically aroused.
When you start cuddling, touching, and kissing, both your partner’s and your desire will naturally emerge, and you’ll want to keep going. Touch opens up the door to more sexual possibilities.
If you want to bring more touch into your relationship, here’s one easy way to do it: for the next week, try to dedicate 10 minutes a day to spend together privately, in your bedroom, just holding each other, touching, and kissing.
Don’t think of this time as “foreplay.” The idea is to enjoy physical contact simply for the sake of physical contact without any added pressure of going into intercourse.
It may sound simple, but the truth is that most relationships are so touch-starved that just this one exercise has the power to make a big impact on your sex life.
