When it comes to satisfying a woman, let’s be honest chivalry goes a long way…whether in or out of bed. Perhaps, that is why they say LADIES FIRST, gentlemen. And if you want to understand and implement how to satisfy your partner in bed, you have landed in the right place.
But, before we dive right into the semantics of making women enjoy in bed, allow us to begin with a story.
One of Pallavi’s clients, a 40-year-old man came to her for guidance and mentioned “My partner’s age is 40 and we have had sex many times but now she mentions she doesn’t want to get intimate.” However, he wants to and while he manages to satisfy her, he cannot always do that. Later, he asks, “What can I do so she’s ready to get intimate again?”
If this is a persistent question running in your mind, this is the guide for you.
Enhancing intimacy in marriage
To understand what a woman wants in bed, it is imperative to understand her body—not just physically but emotionally too. Pallavi Barnwal suggests body mapping as a useful tool to understand what your partner wants and desires. This will not only help explore practices to turn her on but also help them understand her body better.
Slowly learn to listen to her body’s messages and identify their sensual desires. It’s not just about arousing her genitals but offering an emotional, fulfilling experience to her body’s sensation. For example, if we usually enjoy having our hair washed and scalp massaged, we can massage our scalp, and focus on the pleasure we give ourselves. From the back of our knee, the curve of our ear, to the middle of our foot, we may find that other
parts of our body have been waiting for more attention and intentional touch.
Ask your partner:
- Where has our body been craving touch?
- Which body parts have we wanted to explore more?
When it comes to foreplay, remember that it is important to understand what anticipation means. Create a strong sense of expectation and get her excited with little things. A little step goes a long way. Think talking dirty over a hushed phone call when you are at work, emotionally connect with her over dinner… Even a glancing touch on the nape of the neck can tease and turn her on. It’s all the feel-good actions you have to do to please a woman.
Sexual communication in a relationship
Lot of women go through this distressful experience where they get intimate for the sake of pleasing their male partner. The man is literally touching her in a clumsy, haphazard fashion. But since women are not made aware of their sexuality, their right to pleasure, all she thinks is just bear it. Think! All women at some time in their life have faked an orgasm. You don’t want her to go through this discomfort. So encourage her to share her yes and no with you.
To express to your partner where you would like to be caressed or touched, visually divide your body, refer to this image above and divide your body into three zones. Primarily, green, yellow, and red zones identify areas of your body where you feel comfortable, need additional time to warm up and feel uncomfortable respectively. By sharing this information with your partner, you can prevent misunderstandings and create a more fulfilling sexual experience.
The reality of good sex and orgasms
It doesn’t take much to get men aroused, it’s a rather uncomplicated process. The late Dr Alfred C. Kinsey, famous for interviewing thousands about their sex lives, declared that 75% of men ejaculate within two minutes. But when it comes to the female orgasm, takes much longer to achieve an orgasm during the sexual activity.
For a woman to get to her first orgasm is not an easy task but requires persistent stimulation, concentration, and relaxation.
Researchers from the University of Chicago declared in a survey that men reach orgasm during intercourse far more consistently than do women, and that three-fourths of men, but less than a third of women, always have orgasms.
The ingredients for good sex
This guide is here to help you understand how to please a woman and what makes them enjoy in bed to offer better pleasure.
When engaging in foreplay avoid direct contact with her genitals for a minimum of ten to fifteen minutes. Stimulate other parts of her body. Let the oxytocin rush and pervade her bloodstream. Hold on to going down on her and hold it for the end because that is the threshold between foreplay and coreplay.
A solid tip: carefully notice her responses to your sexual movements and don’t lose your focus, or let the process slip away from you. Every moment builds to create an orgasm. But when it comes to a woman’s anatomy how can you implement foreplay smoothly? This brings us to the question below…
What happens when a woman is turned on sexually?
When you look at the vulva, you will find the vagina and the clitoris. With more than eight thousand nerve fibres, the clitoris has the most nerves in the human body. Combined with the 15,000 nerve fibres in the pelvic area, the clitoris has immense potential for sexual pleasure.
Famous American writer Natalie Angier also says, “Nerves are like wolves or birds: if one starts crying, there goes the neighbourhood.” So stop thinking of the clitoris as a little bump, and start thinking of it as a complex network. The clitoris is the heart of female sexuality.
Understanding how to satisfy the wife in bed:
Every woman has a clitoral shaft, which is attached to the head and runs below the skin and is easily felt when aroused and filled with blood. This soft, spongy structure is highly sensitive to touch and provides intense pleasure.
In Greek mythology, when Zeus and Hera asked Tiresias, a person who had experienced both male and female forms, who enjoyed sex more, he replied that women experience nine times more pleasure than men.
Ushering a woman into orgasm
The clitoris, like a penis, swells and becomes larger when a woman is sexually aroused. Both the clitoris and the penis develop from the same type of tissue in the body. However, unlike the penis, which has reproductive and waste removal functions, the clitoris exists solely for pleasure.
This gives women a much greater capacity for sexual enjoyment than men can even imagine.
So when thousands of nerves are being pleasured then does that mean that an orgasm is a voluntary reflex in women or perhaps how do you understand if your wife is now sexually satisfied?
Think about areas that feel good to your wife when touched outside of bed and see if they are turn-ons in other ways too.
Pro tip: Softly massage the centre of her scalp while kissing her ears. Ask her to show more skin as you use feathers to tease her softly. When in bed, use a vibrator on her clit.
All these actions help usher a woman to orgasm. Orgasm is an involuntary response controlled by the autonomic nervous system, not the mind.
How to satisfy women in bed: looking at the larger picture
It’s important to understand that the penis alone cannot make a woman ejaculate.
The idea that genital penetration might be overrated can be difficult to accept, especially for men who base their self-esteem on their ability to please women. Our culture has a long history of “clitoral denial,” influenced by Freud, which has led to women questioning or repressing their instincts and sensations.
Clitoris VS vagina: The clitoris is more effective than the vagina at stimulating female sexual pleasure, which can be surprising and upsetting for many men. It’s important to remember that procreation and pleasure are different things. While the penis is useful for procreation, it may not be the best tool for pleasure.
It’s no wonder that many women ask magazines like Cosmopolitan how to have orgasms during intercourse. A simple answer might be: don’t focus solely on intercourse. Make it part of a larger sexual experience.
Sorry to burst your bubble, gentlemen but…
The tongue is mightier than the sword
If you want to satisfy your wife in bed and want to be good at pleasing women when it comes to foreplay…it is important to understand that direct clitoral stimulation during sex is more likely to lead to orgasm. However, many sexual positions, like missionary style, don’t effectively stimulate the clitoris.
How to use your tongue to satisfy women
The tongue, a flexible muscle with many nerves and taste buds, is our most versatile sex organ. It’s the only muscle that isn’t attached on both ends, allowing us to touch, taste, and lick. We use our tongues to speak many languages, including the language of pleasuring our partners.
Unfortunately, many men have negative attitudes towards cunnilingus, being squeamish or impatient, or even questioning the vaginal scent of a woman. Many men also don’t finish what they start. In The Hite Report on Male Sexuality, the author notes that most men enjoy cunnilingus, but only a few continue until their partner reaches orgasm.
Most men see cunnilingus as foreplay, like an appetizer before the main course of intercourse. However, author Paula Kamen found that in a study of sexually knowledgeable women who use vibrators, oral sex is the most common type of stimulation that triggers orgasm.
THE RULES TO KEEP IN MIND
From each according to their abilities, to each according to their needs.” This quote from The Communist Manifesto can be applied to pleasuring and satisfying your wife in bed.
This a call to action that encourages us to:
- Respect women’s arousal process.
- Delay gratification for mutual pleasure.
- Understand and appreciate the clitoris.
- Stimulate the clitoris throughout the sexual response process.
- Forget the idea that genital penetration is the ultimate sexual pleasure.
- Be patient, respectful, sensitive, and tender.
