(This is not a biology class)
Sydney Sweeney’s body was trending the past couple of days, and the internet did what it does best: looking, analysing and having PLENTY to say. It got me thinking about how comfortable we are looking at women’s bodies, commenting on it, deciding what’s right and wrong, yes having opinions is cool, so here is mine – SO many women barely know their own body. So I decided to write about a woman’s body and more importantly, her core of pleasure – her yoni.
We can recognise a thousand versions of a “desirable” body all over our screens, but can you recognise your own vulva?
And more importantly, do you know how it feels, what it likes, and what your vulva is trying to tell you?
Because of the limited education most of us come from + the media that we have seen growing up – “chattpatte gaane” and the “chattpatti girls” in them, these visuals have had quite the impact.
I remember Kareena Kapoor was awarded the zero figure achievement during her Tashan movie and it was abundantly talked of, and even became an inspiration for a lot of girls around me (to me as a chubby kid, it was too far off so I never bothered much :p); but. My cousins, my friends, my class-mates, mostly everyone in that young school age did equate a slimmer / thinner body with “beauty” or attractiveness. All that put the focus of attention of young girls to how they look, are their bodies a correct weight / a correct size / correct shade and essentially all things external.
Connection with the body took a big hit
In the culture that I grew up in, we learnt very early on – how to “manage” our bodies.
Covering up your breasts, with a bra, at ALL times. Sitting “neatly” especially in presence of male family members. Periods being a hush-hush talk only limited to girlfriends (occasionally an extra caring boyfriend). And an important one – Always wear your underwear / panties and KNOW that sex is bad.
Over time, these young bodies became something to maintain, present and sometimes even perform with, rather than something to experience.
And the vulva became the biggest blind spot of all.
I work as an intimacy coach and I can speak from data when I say – some women have NEVER really looked at their vulva.
Some women feel embarrassed about the colour, shape, smell or size of their vulvas.
Some women only pay attention to the vulva when something hurts, during a gynecological examination, or when a partner is touching them.
That distance can quietly spill into sexuality.
This exact distance makes it harder to notice what feels good, communicate what you want, receive pleasure without self-consciousness or guilt, or feeling at home during sex.
As sex therapist Neha Bhat writes in her book Unashamed – “Living in a culture that hides key information about sexuality causes layers of shame about what is supposed to be a natural part of human existence.”
Female sexuality was never meant to be a performance!
Female sexuality is influenced by much more than hormones or anatomy.
Our experiences of desire and pleasure are shaped by what we have been taught, what we have seen, what we have been allowed to ask, and how safe we feel in our own bodies.
A fascinating 2025 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine followed 563 women who viewed photographs of natural, diverse vulvas, with some participants also receiving information about genital appearance and function. Genital self-image improved after the intervention, with the improvement in the photograph-and-information group still significant eight weeks later.
Sometimes, seeing that there isn’t one “right” vulva is enough to loosen years of comparison.
But reconnecting isn’t about forcing yourself to suddenly feel beautiful or sexually confident.
4 ways to reconnect with your vulva:
1. Look – Take a mirror and actually see your vulva. Take some time and just see her.
2. Learn – Know the difference between the vulva, vagina and clitoris. Learn what the different parts do. Anatomy can replace a lot of unnecessary shame.
3. Notice one / any sensation – During a shower or while lying in bed, bring your attention to your vulva. Warmth, pressure, tingling, softness, tension. There is nothing you need to achieve. Just notice.
4. Create something – Draw your vulva. Paint it. Give it colours, textures, shapes or symbols. Art can offer a different language for parts of ourselves that we have never learned to speak about.
Your vulva does not need to become another thing you have to perfect. Let her sing, let her breathe, give her space to exist.
The invitation here is simpler: GET TO KNOW HER!
If you would like support in building familiarity with your Sensuality & Sexuality, you may book a 1:1 appointment with me here.
