You open your phone, you open Instagram, you see a reel and lo behold! Everyone else, apparently, is having wild, soul-shaking sex on a Tuesday night after a ten hour workday.
And then there is you, even though you managed to have sex twice this month, but something feels off. You have an active sex life, but not one that makes you lose your mind in a daydream the next day. You’re doing regular stuff and it has gotten to a point where sex is just not as exciting as it used to be.
Hmm.
Very respectfully, while I hold your hand, lets unpack this together.
If you think about this – sex can be good, sex can be okay / “meh”, sex can be great, sex can be bad, sex can be nice, ….and sex can be EXTRAORDINARY.
THIS article will help you move from “meh” / average or even good sex to extraordinary sex!
Lets dive in!
What does extraordinary sex mean to YOU?
Let me help you think about this in detail and reflect on how to have an extraordinary and yummy-licious sex life –
1. What are you wanting to do in bed that you are not doing? / What are you wanting your partner to do in the bedroom that they are not doing?
For example – you hesitate to give your partner feedback in the bedroom, imagine how would it feel to express your needs CLEARLY in the bedroom.
2. Do you know what turns you on? Do you know what turns your partner on?
For example – sharing your sexual desires could be a great way to stay updated with your partner’s desires!
3. What kind of touch do you enjoy when you are aroused? What kind of touch do you not like when you are aroused?
For example – do you know about your partner’s body well enough to know a unique spot (like maybe the back of their knee) that makes them drool with pleasure?
Let me first put across some examples that are NOT extraordinary sex life –
- Having sex XYZ “number of times” a week / month / year.
- Giving and receiving an orgasm being the only measure of “peak” pleasure
- Trying 1000 different “positions”
- Lasting longer in bed (whatever “longer” means in your mind)
- “My partner knows exactly what I like”
These are some examples of very limited, narrow-minded beliefs we have ingrained on how extraordinary sex is “supposed” to look like.
Well, sorry to burst your bubble, its all false.
EXTRAORDINARY Sex: goes beyond this limited and narrow idea of sex.
Lets say there is a couple – a couple who finally gets some time alone after a long week, on the weekend. They put their child to bed, finish the chores and get into bed. They start kissing, but one person is still thinking about the meeting that is lined up the next day and the other is wondering why their partner is not involved and why they seem distracted.
In my work with individuals and couples in intimacy coaching, this is a fairly common stance.
When you have 10 things on the back of your mind, I just want to take a minute to ask – is extraordinary sex also one of the “open tabs”?
I hate to break it to you – our bodies and our pleasure and our sensuality – do not work like that! And especially don’t work extraordinarily – when there are multiple things fighting for your attention!
In the couple example I gave earlier, there is nothing necessarily wrong with them. They love each other, they care for each other. And they also want to have sex with each other. They just have not arrived in the here and now. They are trying to fit a script (kissing → intercourse → orgasm) into their already long weekend.
Extraordinary sex is NOT a check-box 🙂
Think about this – if the partner who was struggling to avoid thinking about the meeting, shared this with their partner. And in turn received a nice shoulder and back massage from them, how would the experience be for both?
Rather than completing an obligation, completing a rote-learnt sex script that was taught to you and never questioned / seen with different eyes?
Juicy Bit
- An extraordinary sex life depends on the QUALITY of sexual encounter and not the quantity.
- People who have extraordinary sex lives are honest & authentic in the bedroom! They speak their truth – if they are enjoying, they say so to their partner! If they are not enjoying, they say so to their partner!
- An extraordinary sex life provides space for both people to have their desires, fantasies, boundaries, eccentricities. Communicating your ideas authentically is one of the bedrocks of an extraordinary sex life.
- An extraordinary sex life DEMANDS you to be present in the moment with your self and your partner. Being aware of every moment of touch with each other.
- An extraordinary sex life invites you to be curious and to be comfortable. Explore your own body and be in absolute bliss. Explore your partners’ body delicately. Being in total comfort with your own body is greatly pleasurable!
- An extraordinary sex life requires people to step up and TALK about sex.
BONUS TIP:
For your reference – you can use these topics as a starter guide to talk about sex with your partner and reflect on each other’s experiences:
If you want to move from “meh” / average to an extraordinary sex life, book a session with me here.
Wishing you a yummy-licious sex life!
