Clients often ask us “How to last longer in bed?”. This is one of the most common questions put forth by men. And if you have the same pertinent question, upon asking around…you will possibly find many different answers.
Many men experience sexual difficulties such as erectile dysfunction, and premature ejaculation.
National surveys show nearly half of men report having at least one issue every year. Premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction are particularly common. Sex therapists offer insights on intercourse duration and their surveys suggest that a penetrative sex session that is considered “adequate” lasts 3-7 minutes, while “desirable” falls between 7-13 minutes.
Is there an ideal time to last longer?
Firstly, what we perceive as the “ideal” amount of time spent on having sex is not necessarily what we truly want. Research shows our perceptions of ideal sex length are influenced by cultural norms, not true desires. We might crave longer sex simply because we think it’s expected.
Forget the “perfect” duration. Focus on what truly satisfies you and your partner. That’s the key to a fulfilling sexual experience.
Improve stamina during sex with effective techniques
Let’s address premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation is a common issue when it comes to sex for men. Around one-third of men aged 18-59 report often climaxing before they or their partners would like.
While finishing quickly isn’t necessarily an issue, it becomes a problem when it causes distress or hinders a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Fortunately, premature ejaculation is one of the easier sexual difficulties to treat and doesn’t always require a doctor or sex therapist.
Tips for boosting endurance in bed
The earliest treatments for premature ejaculation were behavioural, avoiding any medical intervention. The most common technique, the stop-start method (developed by Dr. Semans), remains popular today.
This technique involves both partners. The stimulation continues until the man nears orgasm, then stops entirely until the urge subsides. Once the feeling lessens, stimulation resumes but stops again at the next sign of orgasm. Repeating this cycle helps many men gain better ejaculatory control by teaching them their body’s arousal signals.
What is the squeeze technique for lasting longer during sex?
Another behavioural therapy is the squeeze technique
partners continue sex until the man nears orgasm, and then one partner squeezes the head or base of the penis to delay ejaculation. Once the feeling subsides, stimulation resumes until another squeeze is needed. After practising these techniques for a few weeks, many men see improvement.
However, if these methods fail, other options exist. One newer treatment involves applying a desensitizing agent to the penis. Many products claim this effect, but some work better than others.
Overcoming premature ejaculation
Delay ejaculation with Lidocaine-based sprays like Promescent. Sprayed on the penis 10 minutes before sex, it slightly reduces penile sensitivity for more stamina. Many men prefer Promescent because it’s non-prescription, condom-compatible, and doesn’t transfer to a partner.
There are dozens of delay sprays available on Amazon, which also sells condoms lined with desensitizing agents. These are some of the best ways to increase sexual duration.
Sexual Performance Enhancement: selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors
If the delay sprays do not work, another possibility would be to consult with a physician about the possibility of taking a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI).
SSRIs are typically used to treat clinical depression by keeping the neurotransmitter serotonin in the brain longer. SSRIs can help some men with premature ejaculation. However, SSRIs require a prescription and can have side effects.
SSRIs might help but with a catch. Studies show they can improve ejaculatory control in men with premature ejaculation. However, SSRIs require a prescription and can cause side effects.
How to treat erectile dysfunction?
Despite affecting 52% of men aged 40-70 in the US alone, ED remains a shameful topic to talk about. Even younger men can experience erection problems.
What is Erectile Dysfunction?
Erectile dysfunction is a medical issue where often the man cannot keep his erection firm enough for penetration or intercourse. This secrecy is a problem! Medications work well for ED, but cost and difficulty getting them can be barriers.
Most ED cases are physical, like blood flow problems. However, mental factors like anxiety can also play a role, especially for younger men.
Exercise 1: Making Your Cake Exercise
Does regular exercise boost sex drive? Yes, it does. Presenting an interesting exercise below for you to boost your endurance in bed.
Known as ‘Your Activity Cake’, this is a homework assignment that accompanies this module to make an activity list of multi-flavoured cakes.
You can do 2 lists: one that is non-sensual such as hiking, tennis, cooking, or simply going on dates. And the other includes all the sexual activities you enjoy. Don’t worry if your list is short. As you go on, you will keep adding flavours to your cake list.
Set-up: Quiet location of choice, ideally with privacy.
Materials required: Pen and paper
Duration: 15-30 minutes
Purpose: Define activities of pleasure to move from a performance-oriented mindset to a pleasure-oriented mindset
Step 1: On one list, write down pleasurable activities that you enjoy that are not sexual.
Step 2: On a second list, write down pleasurable activities that you enjoy that are sexual.
GOAL: Remember, the goal of this exercise is not to last longer in bed, but rather to find pleasurable activities that do not include ejaculation that can be incorporated into sexual play.
How to last longer in bed with erectile dysfunction?
Thankfully, medications like Viagra and Cialis offer a solution. They address both physical and psychological causes of ED. Studies show significant improvements in sexual function and satisfaction for men taking these medications compared to a placebo. These benefits extend to partners as well!
Despite these advancements, getting help can be tough. Men often feel anxious talking to doctors about ED, fearing judgment or discomfort. Plus, some doctors might not feel comfortable initiating the conversation. This creates a cycle where a treatable condition goes unaddressed, impacting both men and their partners.
How to naturally last longer in bed without pills?
However, science backs the benefits of erectile dysfunction medication. Studies show significant improvements in orgasms, satisfaction, and overall sexual health for men taking medication compared to a sugar pill (placebo). Nearly 80% of medication men reported these improvements, compared to only 30% with the placebo.
Another study found that using ED medication can also improve the sexual experience of a man’s partner. In short, these medications can be a win-win for both partners!
Last longer in bed: the end goal
It is amazing if it lasts three minutes. It is also acceptable if you would rather take thirty minutes. It is not always the case that one of these times is “better,” more legitimate, or healthier than the other.
These are the things to keep in mind if your partner is suffering from performance anxiety.
Talk it out: Open communication is key! Talk to your partner about lasting longer. Share what you’re hoping for and what feels good for both of you.
Focus on having fun: Shift your mindset to enjoying the moment together. Orgasms will come naturally when you’re relaxed and having fun.
Talk it through: Communication is key throughout. Let your partner know what works for you during sex, like the “Quiet Partner” technique (explained below).
Quiet partner: Try the “Quiet Partner” technique: during sex, your partner relaxes while you control the pace with slow thrusts. Focus on your breathing and keeping your arousal level in a comfortable zone (think 3-8 on a scale of 10).
Temporary Technique: Explain to your partner that the “Quiet Partner” technique is a temporary practice exercise, not a long-term thing.
Practice makes progress: Enjoy “Quiet Partner” sex for a few weeks to gain more control over your arousal during intercourse.
Ease into sex: with your partner, by incorporating self-pleasure techniques you’re already familiar with.
Pleasure for two: Emphasise that this practice is about improving both your sexual experiences.
